Relaxing…What’s the point?
by Charlotte Lucas | Sep 11, 2024 | Blog, Communication, Relaxation, Tips
I have just been on a summer break- part solo and intended to relax as it’s been a pretty stressful year. At first, I decided to ‘chill’ sans distraction, but within minutes I was reaching for my phone and the nearest book. After half a day or so I missed being around people and the task of doing something, whatever it was, just to keep my mind busy and away from prolonged silence. Slowly, as I clocked these impulses, something shifted in me and I found pockets of time that felt comfortable just sitting or lying by the sea, where my mind could wander freely without fixating on the need to do. This made me feel better. I slowed down and did a painting. It made me think how hard it can be to sit in boredom but this can be a great stimulus for creativity.
I wondered why we find it so hard to take it easy and not give ourselves a hard time when we do. It struck me that we are conditioned, particularly in the Western world, to always be doing, never allowing ourselves to get bored. This starts at a young age: children are often stretched beyond their capacity at school with hours of homework post a long day, or with the looming pressure to pass exams, get into the next school and then decide what to do with their lives, all by the time they hit young adulthood. We prize being busy over taking time to ourselves and reflect. This is not true for everyone of course, I know a number of people who can and prefer to take time out on their own to relax and do very little, rather then spend it in company and keep busy.
If the definition of relaxing is the release of tension to create a sense of calm then we’re aiming to avoid heightened feelings of excitement or worry to get there. This is hard to experience if you live in a world that prizes consumerism and status born out of showing what you have. Our digital age gives us the sense that we can find and even buy anything we need online: products, friends, partners. If we stop engaging with it, we may need to face the fear of missing out, and yet all those Instagram images make us feel like we are lacking in so much and that we should try harder to obtain the perfect life/ partner/body. The search for perfection is another way we keep ourselves from ever reaching a point of feeling content and ok with being just where we are at in our lives and in ourselves.
If you can spot that you are perfectionist, this Driver behaviour (Taibi Kahler, 1975) can make it very difficult, even impossible to just stop and be present. The idea of relaxing can become another obsession to get right, with the ‘correct way’ of accomplishing this often creating a never-ending frustrating search, that leads to failure. You can’t force your-self to mindfully meditate, just like you can’t force yourself to have fun. A recent article I read online ‘Is this normal, I hate relaxing’ says “there’s neurology at play. Living under constant stress can cause our sympathetic nervous system – which activates the body’s fight- or-flight response- to get stuck on over drive. As a result, we are unable to shake off the feelings of restlessness, panic, hypervigilance, and anxiety no matter how badly we want to relax”
Just 5 minutes of relaxation a day can help us reconnect to bodies and minds. It helps us to register where we are at, spotting that we might have a headache or be in need of some fresh air perhaps. This time out is essential for us to come back to a sense of self.
In this great article-https://wellbeingpeople.com/workplace-wellbeing/why-relaxation-is-so-important/2023/ it says “Practicing ‘relaxation ‘is paramount to managing stress. When we relax, the flow of blood increases around our body giving us more energy. It helps us to have a calmer and clearer mind which aids positive thinking, concentration, memory and decision making. Relaxation slows our heart rate, reduces our blood pressure and relieves tension. It also aids digestion as we absorb essential nutrients more efficiently when relaxed, which helps to fight off disease and infection”
So here are some simple tips for starting to do this for yourself, if you can make the time..
Take slow, deep breaths. When you breathe deeply, it sends a message to your brain to calm down and relax.
Try mindful meditation. …
Make time to write down the things that are stressful, the art of writing is cathartic
Use guided imagery to imagine a calm space you can inhabit
Find ways to express your feelings that are healthy. This may take practice but it’s worth it for you and everyone around you.
Do something you enjoy- this could be a new hobby.
Reconnect with nature: walking, running, sitting somewhere green..